Vision Magazine, no. 21, May- Jun 1977
I see it now
I guess, Jesus, it's because you're so reliable that I lean on you. I realise now that nothing in this world is lasting. I realise that there's no security in anything I can have because it may not be there tomorrow. Nor is there any security in anyone I know or know of because they are subject to change — change of mind, change of body. They too, may not be there tomorrow for me to lean on. I find that even when I set goals for myself and say 'when I just get this one more thing I'll be happy', that I'm not much more fulfilled. It might be good for a time, or rather seem good, and yet it's like seeing a juicy apple and tasting and finding only worms inside and that the apple has rotted away.
Even when I put people before you and I say I do not need Jesus to be first, I find no peace. I find that there is only peace when you are first in my life. I realise now that you've been here with me for so long and yet I didn't see you. I realise now you've been trying to show me that reality of your presence through your activity in my life, Jesus, I see it now! I see your concern in my life now. Your presence doesn't need to be felt anymore, I know you're with me; I know now you're speaking to me even when I'm not listening and you're urging me on. I'm learning now Jesus that you're all love and that even though I don't see your physical body I know that you're with me in Spirit.
I know now that you're a gentle voice, you're not harsh or mean. Your chastisement comes but with a loving hand. You do deal bountifully with me, don't you Jesus? There are so many people out in the world, Lord, who have a wrong impression of you. They don't think you're very loving at all. In fact, I think they think you're pretty mean. Jesus, show them that through the cross you demonstrated your love for them as individuals. They don't understand who you are — the Lord of all. They don't understand that your concern is so great for them. They've heard of you in church, Jesus, but their minds have been twisted.. Jesus, much of it isn't their fault. Many of them think they have to work their way to heaven. Lord, they don't know that your love was so great, that you made the way for them. Jesus, they don't know that you are the Way. Many of them are so unhappy within and don't realise that in giving their life to you, you are able to pour down blessings to them in whatever form they need — life, peace, joy, healing of body, healing of relationships. Jesus, they don't realise that you are the answer to every need that they have. I understand how they feel Lord, becuase I have flet like that too. And I guess it's because you've dealt so bountifully with me that I know you're waiting to do the same for them. Give each one the grace to respond to your love, O Lord, that they might turn to you and find peace.
By Permission. © Southern Cross College, 2004. All Rights reserved.